Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC fosters empathy, resolves conflicts, and builds connection through compassionate dialogue.
Guide and Comic by Lily
Read the Comic! Learn NVC with Catra and Her Friends
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Reflection vs. Reacting, Responding, Apologizing, and Explaining
What Not to Do (and What to Do Instead)
Types of Passive-Aggressive Behavior and NVC Alternatives
Feelings vs. Judgments (Pseudo-Feelings)
Marshall Rosenberg Quotes on Nonviolent Communication
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.” — Marshall Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg in the 1960s, is a transformative communication framework designed to foster empathy, honesty, and mutual understanding in personal and societal relationships. Rooted in the belief that conflict arises from unmet needs, NVC shifts the focus from blame and judgment to vulnerability and collaboration.
NVC rejects coercive or manipulative language, emphasizing compassion as the default mode of interaction. Rosenberg believed that all human behavior stems from attempts to meet universal needs (e.g., safety, respect, belonging), and conflict emerges when strategies to meet those needs clash.
At its heart, NVC is about giving and receiving empathy. It teaches individuals to listen deeply to others’ feelings and needs while authentically expressing their own. This creates a foundation for trust, repair, and creative problem-solving.
NVC reframes emotions as signals of needs, not as reactions caused by others. For example, instead of saying, “You make me angry,” one learns to say, “I feel angry because I need respect.” This subtle shift reduces defensiveness and fosters accountability.
• Carl Rogers’ Humanistic Psychology: Rosenberg drew from Rogers’ emphasis on empathy, active listening, and unconditional positive regard.
• Gandhian Nonviolence: The principle of ahimsa (non-harm) inspired NVC’s commitment to resolving conflict without domination or degradation.
• Social Justice Movements: Rosenberg’s work with civil rights activists in the 1960s highlighted how dehumanizing language perpetuates systemic oppression, shaping NVC’s focus on equity and dignity.
1. Observation:
Describe a situation without judgment (e.g., “You interrupted me three times during the meeting”).
Avoid evaluative language (e.g., “You’re so rude”), which triggers defensiveness.
2. Feeling:
Name the emotion arising from the observation (e.g., “I feel frustrated”).
Distinguish genuine feelings (sad, scared, joyful) from “pseudo-feelings” that mask blame (ignored, manipulated, unheard).
3. Need:
Connect feelings to universal human needs (e.g., “I feel lonely because I need connection”).
Needs are non-negotiable; strategies (actions to meet needs) are flexible.
4. Request:
Make a specific, actionable ask (e.g., “Would you be willing to call me once a week?”).
Ensure requests are invitations, not demands.
• Conflict Resolution: Used in war zones, prisons, and families to de-escalate tension and rebuild trust.
• Education: Teaches children emotional literacy and collaborative problem-solving.
• Workplaces: Promotes non-hierarchical dialogue, reducing resentment and fostering teamwork.
• Self-Connection: Guides individuals in understanding their own emotions and needs, improving self-compassion.
“NVC is not about getting our way. It’s about creating a world where everyone’s needs matter. When we hear each other’s humanity, solutions emerge that honor us all.”
By replacing blame with curiosity and domination with partnership, NVC offers a language of liberation—one that turns conflict into connection and alienation into understanding.
1. Observe (Fact vs. Judgment)
What to do: State neutral facts.
Example: “I noticed the meeting started 15 minutes late.”
Avoid: Evaluations or blame.
Example: “You’re so disorganized!”
2. Identify Feelings (Emotions vs. Judgments)
What to do: Name emotions (e.g., hurt, frustrated, relieved).
Example: “I feel worried when deadlines are missed.”
Avoid: Pseudo-feelings (e.g., ignored, attacked).
Example: “I feel like you don’t care.”
3. Connect to Needs (Universal Needs vs. Strategies)
What to do: Link feelings to universal needs (e.g., respect, safety, clarity).
Example: “I feel overwhelmed because I need support.”
Avoid: Blaming others or fixating on specific actions.
Example: “You never help me!”
4. Make a Request (Collaborative Invitations vs. Demands)
What to do: Ask for concrete, doable actions.
Example: “Would you be willing to discuss a plan for sharing tasks?”
Avoid: Vague demands or ultimatums.
Example: “You need to fix this now!”
• Avoid Judgments: Replace labels (“lazy”,“selfish”) with observations.
• Own Feelings: Use “I feel…” instead of “You make me feel…”
• Focus on Needs: Address universal human needs (e.g., belonging, autonomy) to find common ground.
• Empathy First: Listen to others’ feelings/needs before expressing your own.
Example: “Are you feeling stressed because you need clarity?”
Situation: A friend frequently cancels plans.
Example: “You’re so flaky! You never prioritize me!”
• Observe: “We’ve rescheduled three times this month.”
• Feeling: “I feel disappointed.”
• Need: “(Because) I value reliability in our time together.”
• Request: “Could we agree on a date that works for both of us?”
NVC shifts conversations from blame to collaboration by:
• Reducing defensiveness with neutral observations.
• Encouraging empathy through shared feelings/needs.
• Inviting solutions with clear requests.
By focusing on mutual understanding, NVC transforms conflicts into opportunities for connection.
Reflective listening is the practice of mirroring others’ feelings and needs to deepen understanding and connection. It transforms conflicts into collaborative dialogue by prioritizing empathy over rebuttal.
Listen for Feelings/Needs:
Them: “You don’t care about my input!”
You: “Are you feeling frustrated because you need collaboration?”
Reflect Back Tentatively:
Use phrases like “It sounds like…” or “Are you feeling…?” to invite clarification.
Them: “This deadline is impossible!”
You: “I hear stress about the timeline. Do you need more support or flexibility?”
Avoid Assumptions:
Parroting: “You’re mad because the project is late.”
Reflecting: “You seem upset. Is it about reliability?”
• Defuses Tension: Validates emotions without agreement, reducing defensiveness.
• Uncovers Root Issues: Shifts focus from surface complaints to core needs (e.g., autonomy, safety).
• Builds Trust: Shows commitment to understanding, not “fixing” or judging.
Example:
Them: “You’re always criticizing me!”
You: “Are you feeling discouraged because you need appreciation for your efforts?”
Them: “Yes! I just want my work to be acknowledged.”
Now you’ve identified the need (appreciation) behind the conflict.
Key Takeaway: Reflective listening turns conflict into collaboration by saying, “I want to understand you,” not “Let me prove I’m right.”
Nonviolent Communication emphasizes empathy, connection, and mutual understanding. Central to NVC is the practice of reflection—a deliberate process of listening deeply, paraphrasing, and validating others' feelings and needs. This contrasts with common communication habits like reacting, responding, apologizing, or explaining, which often prioritize speed, defensiveness, or logic over emotional connection. Here’s why reflection is pivotal in NVC:
1. Reflection vs. Reacting
• Reacting is immediate and often fueled by instinct—like snapping, interrupting, or shutting down ("That’s not true!" or "You’re overreacting!"). These quick, unprocessed replies tend to escalate conflict because they focus on self-defense or winning an argument, not understanding the other person.
• Reflection interrupts this cycle by creating a pause. Instead of rebutting, you mirror the speaker’s emotions and needs: "You’re angry because it seems like I ignored your input, is that right?" This shifts the focus from blame to curiosity, inviting the other person to feel heard.
• For example, if someone says, "You never listen to me!" a reactive reply ("Yes, I do!") dismisses their experience. A reflective response ("You’re feeling unheard, and you want your opinions to matter?") addresses the deeper need for respect.
By replacing reactions with reflection, NVC transforms potential clashes into opportunities for connection. It meets the human need for empathy before problem-solving, reducing defensiveness and fostering mutual understanding.
2. Reflection vs. Responding
• Responding often prioritizes solutions or logic over emotional connection. For example, replying to someone’s frustration with, "Here’s what we can do next," skips validating their feelings, which can leave them feeling dismissed or rushed.
• Reflection pauses the urge to "fix" things and instead names the emotion and need beneath the words. For instance, reflecting, "You’re disappointed because you hoped we’d collaborate more closely on this project," acknowledges their experience before moving to action.
• In NVC, reflection ensures the speaker feels seen. If someone says, "This deadline is impossible," a response like, "Let’s reprioritize tasks," might feel cold. A reflective approach ("You’re overwhelmed because you need support to meet this goal?") invites partnership, making problem-solving collaborative.
By prioritizing reflection over immediate solutions, NVC honors the speaker’s humanity first. This builds trust and ensures responses are rooted in empathy, not just efficiency.
3. Reflection vs. Apologizing
• Apologizing, when overdone or disproportionate ("I’m so sorry! It’s entirely my fault— I’m a terrible person!"), can shift focus to the apologizer’s guilt rather than the hurt party’s needs. Such grand gestures may feel performative, rushed, or even manipulative, overshadowing the other person’s emotions.
• Reflection redirects attention to the impacted feelings and unmet needs. For example, instead of over-apologizing, you might reflect: "It sounds like my actions left you feeling hurt because you really value honesty." This creates space for authentic connection before offering repair.
• In NVC, reflection ensures the apology is grounded in mutual understanding: "I see how my lateness frustrated you—you needed reliability. I’m sorry I didn’t honor that." Here, the apology links directly to the need, avoiding both minimization and excessive self-criticism.
By prioritizing reflection, apologies become specific, sincere, and centered on repair rather than guilt. This builds trust instead of defensiveness or imbalance.
4. Reflection vs. Explaining
• Explaining often centers on defending intentions or justifying actions ("I did this because…") before addressing the emotional impact. For instance, responding to criticism with, "I canceled the plan last-minute because work was chaotic," might be factual but skips acknowledging how it affected the other person. This can come across as dismissive, amplifying feelings of invisibility.
• Reflection pauses the urge to clarify or defend. It first validates the listener’s experience by naming the underlying emotion and need: "You’re hurt because you were counting on spending time together, and reliability matters to you." This creates a bridge of empathy, ensuring the speaker feels understood.
• In NVC, reflection prepares the ground for explanations to be heard. Once feelings are acknowledged, you might add, "I canceled because I was overwhelmed at work, but I see now how that left you feeling let down. I want to prioritize your trust." Now, the explanation is framed within mutual respect rather than self-justification.
By leading with reflection, NVC shifts explanations from adversarial "reasons" to collaborative understanding. It ensures clarity without sacrificing empathy, fostering deeper connection and accountability.
Reflection aligns with NVC’s core components: observing without judgment, identifying feelings, connecting to universal needs (e.g., safety, respect), and making requests. It disrupts automatic patterns (e.g., defensiveness) by prioritizing empathy. While reacting, explaining, or apologizing might offer temporary resolution, reflection addresses the emotional core, enabling lasting understanding and collaborative solutions.
In essence, reflection transforms communication from transactional exchanges to meaningful connections. It invites vulnerability and mutual respect, embodying NVC’s goal: fostering relationships where everyone’s needs matter.
Here’s a list of behaviors to avoid according to Nonviolent Communication, along with alternatives to foster empathy and connection:
1. Don’t use judgments, labels, or moralistic criticism
Example: "You’re so selfish."
Instead: State observations neutrally. "I noticed you didn’t ask for input before deciding."
2. Don’t blame or shame others
Example: "This is all your fault."
Instead: Express your feelings and needs. "I feel frustrated because I need collaboration."
3. Avoid demands or threats
Example: "Do this, or else!"
Instead: Make clear, positive requests. "Would you be willing to discuss this with me first?"
4. Don’t use accusatory "you" statements
Example: "You make me feel ignored."
Instead: Use "I" statements. "I felt frustrated because I need mutual respect to collaborate well."
5. Don’t assume others’ intentions
Example: "You did that to hurt me."
Instead: Ask for clarity. "Can you share what led you to that decision?"
6. Avoid denying responsibility
Example: "I had no choice."
Instead: Acknowledge your agency. "I chose this because I value harmony."
7. Don’t manipulate with guilt or shame
Example: "After all I’ve sacrificed for you…"
Instead: Express your needs directly. "I need support with this task."
8. Don’t interrupt or dismiss others’ feelings
Example: "You’re overreacting."
Instead: Listen empathetically. "I hear you’re upset. Can you say more?"
9. Avoid generalizations like "always" or "never"
Example: "You never help!"
Instead: Be specific. “I feel tired because I’ve done the dishes every day this week. I need fairness in sharing household tasks. Would you be willing to alternate dish duty with me starting tomorrow?"
10. Don’t ignore needs (yours or others’)
Example: "Just deal with it."
Instead: Explore underlying needs. "Let’s explore what’s important here. Would you share what you need so we can address it together?"
11. Don’t focus on "winning" or being right
Example: "I told you so!"
Instead: Prioritize connection. "Let’s find a solution that works for both of us."
12. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior
Example: Silent treatment or sarcasm.
Instead: Share vulnerably. "I’m feeling sad and need understanding. Would you be willing to discuss this with me?"
13. Don’t compare or diagnose others
Example: "You’re just like your stubborn father."
Instead: Focus on the present situation. "I notice we have different views on this."
14. Don’t skip empathy for others’ perspectives
Example: Ignoring their feelings to push your agenda.
Instead: Reflect and validate. "It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed. Is that right?"
Key Takeaway: NVC emphasizes observations over evaluations, vulnerability over judgment, and collaboration over coercion. By avoiding these pitfalls, communication becomes a bridge to mutual understanding.
Here are some examples of passive-aggressive behavior, along with NVC-aligned alternatives to foster healthier communication:
Behavior: Broad category of indirect expressions of anger, resentment, or resistance that avoid direct communication.
How it Harms Connection: Passive-aggression breeds mistrust and confusion by masking true feelings.
Examples:
Behavior: Casting oneself as helpless or persecuted to avoid responsibility, gain sympathy, or manipulate outcomes.
How it Harms Connection: This harms connection by fostering resentment and distrust, as it prioritizes blame over collaborative problem-solving.
Example: "Why bother telling you how I feel? You’ll just ignore me like always. My needs never matter to you."
NVC Alternative: “When I share my concerns and don’t hear a response, I feel frustrated because I value connection. I need to know my feelings matter to you. Would you be willing to re ect back what you’ve heard?”
Behavior: Agreeing outwardly while resisting inwardly.
How it Harms Connection: Breeds resentment and disengagement by suppressing honest dialogue and mutual respect.
Example: "Sure, we’ll do it your way… again. Doesn’t matter what I think anyway."
NVC Alternative: "When we default to your plan repeatedly, I feel discouraged because I value partnership. Would you be open to brainstorming a solution that honors both of our priorities?"
Behavior: Using self-deprecation to guilt others.
How it Harms Connection: Erodes trust by manipulating others’ guilt instead of fostering mutual understanding and collaboration.
Example: "I’ll just cancel my plans again—you’re clearly too busy for me. I’m used to being an afterthought."
NVC Alternative: "When we don’t spend time together, I feel lonely because I value closeness. Would you be willing to plan something that works for both of us?”
Behavior: Withdrawing, shutting down, or refusing to engage in communication to avoid conflict or connection.
How it Harms Connection: Escalates conflict by shutting down dialogue and emotional safety.
Example: Crosses arms, stares at the floor, and says nothing.
NVC Alternative: "I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to calm down. Can we take a short walk and talk again in 20 minutes?"
Behavior: Sidestepping addressing disagreements or tensions, often to evade discomfort or preserve superficial harmony.
How it Harms Connection: Allows resentment to fester and preventing mutual understanding or problem-solving.
Example: "Oh, no worries! I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I’m ne." (said while hiding hurt feelings)
NVC Alternative: “When you said my needs always come first, I felt confused because I value fairness. Could we explore ways to balance both our needs moving forward?”
• Name your feelings and needs: ("I feel frustrated because I need respect").
• Request collaboration: ("Would you be open to…?").
• Practice empathy first: ("I want to understand your perspective”).
Key Takeaway: By replacing indirect or avoidant habits with honest, vulnerable communication, you create space for mutual understanding and resolution.
In Nonviolent Communication pseudo-feelings are words that masquerade as emotions but subtly express judgments, interpretations, or attributions about others’ behavior. They often undermine honest connection by shifting responsibility outward instead of vulnerably sharing our inner experience. Below is a breakdown of pseudo-feelings and their alternatives, rooted in NVC principles:
• Imply someone else’s actions or intentions ("I feel ignored").
• Mask judgments as emotions ("I feel disrespected").
• Avoid owning the actual emotion ("I feel like you don’t care”).
Example: "I feel unappreciated when you work late."
Why It’s Problematic: “Unappreciated” implies a judgment about the other person’s behavior rather than a raw emotion.
Here are examples of some common pseudo-feelings and their NVC-aligned alternatives:
1. Pseudo-Feeling: "I feel attacked."
Why It’s Problematic: Implies the other person is harming you.
Genuine Feeling: "I feel scared or nervous…"
Needs-Based Language: "...because I need safety and respect in how we talk."
2. Pseudo-Feeling: "I feel betrayed."
Why It’s Problematic: Judges someone’s actions as breaking trust.
Genuine Feeling: "I feel sad or confused…"
Needs-Based Language: "...because I value honesty and clarity in our relationship."
3. Pseudo-Feeling: "I feel manipulated."
Why It’s Problematic: Assumes intent rather than naming your emotion.
Genuine Feeling: "I feel frustrated or powerless…"
Needs-Based Language: "...because I need autonomy and mutual consideration."
4. Pseudo-Feeling: "I feel abandoned."
Why It’s Problematic: Focuses on others’ behavior instead of your inner state.
Genuine Feeling: "I feel lonely or anxious…"
Needs-Based Language: "...because I need reassurance and connection."
• They create defensiveness by implying others are “wrong” or “at fault.”
• They obscure your authentic emotions and needs, making resolution harder.
• They reinforce disconnection rather than inviting empathy.
1. Ask: "Is this feeling about their action or my inner experience?"
If it’s about their action ("unheard," "rejected," "misunderstood"), dig deeper to name your emotion.
2. Use a Feelings Inventory (e.g., sad, scared, joyful, tense) to pinpoint raw emotions.
3. Connect to Needs
Example:
Instead of Saying: "I feel unloved when you cancel plans."
Try Saying: "I feel sad when you cancel plans because I need closeness and reliability."
Key Takeaway: By replacing pseudo-feelings with genuine emotions and clear needs, you invite collaboration instead of conflict. This shift is at the heart of creating authentic, compassionate dialogue.
Here’s a list of genuine feelings (not "pseudo-feelings" or thoughts/judgments disguised as feelings) as categorized in Nonviolent Communication. True feelings are internal emotional states that do not imply someone else’s actions or judgments.
| • Joyful | • Amused |
| • Excited | • Confident |
| • Grateful | • Curious |
| • Hopeful | • Affectionate |
| • Calm | • Loving |
| • Peaceful | • Trusting |
| • Content | • Energized |
| • Inspired | • Serene |
| • Relieved | • Satisfied |
| • Sad | • Disappointed |
| • Frustrated | • Confused |
| • Anxious | • Guilty (as an emotional state, |
| • Lonely | not a moral judgment) |
| • Overwhelmed | • Vulnerable |
| • Discouraged | • Embarrassed |
| • Tired | • Worried |
| • Angry | • Resentful |
| • Scared | • Restless |
| • Hurt | • Helpless |
These are judgments or interpretations masquerading as feelings (often include "I feel..." + a thought)
• "I feel abandoned" (implies someone’s action) → Use "lonely" or "scared."
• "I feel betrayed" (implies judgment) → Use "hurt" or "disappointed."
• "I feel ignored" (blames others) → Use "lonely" or "sad."
• "I feel attacked" (interpretation) → Use "frightened" or "defensive."
• True feelings describe internal emotional states (e.g., “I feel sad”).
• Pseudo-feelings imply external causes or judgments (e.g., “I feel manipulated”).
Observations are concrete, neutral statements about what you see, hear, or recall—free of judgment. They focus on specific behaviors or facts everyone could agree on.
Evaluations are interpretations, labels, or assumptions about someone’s intent, character, or motives. They often escalate conflict by implying blame.
Example:
Evaluation: “You’re so selfish!”
Observation: “You ate the last piece of cake without asking.”
Evaluation: “You never listen to me.”
Observation: “I shared my idea earlier, and you changed the subject.”
• Reduces Defensiveness: Observations invite curiosity; evaluations trigger arguments.
Evaluation: “You’re disrespectful!”
Issue: Likely to provoke a defensive response.
Observation: “I noticed that you arrived 45 minutes later than we agreed.”
Benefit: Opens dialogue.
• Focuses on Behavior: Addresses actions instead of labeling character.
• Clarifies Intent: Separates what happened (fact) from what it means (interpretation).
Practice Tip: Use time/context details (e.g., “during yesterday’s meeting...”) to ground observations in reality.
Key Takeaway: Observations create a shared starting point; evaluations build walls. Start with “what happened,” not “what’s wrong.”
Universal needs are the core human values we all share—emotional, physical, or relational necessities like safety, respect, belonging, or autonomy. They describe what matters to us, not how to achieve it.
Strategies are the specific actions, behaviors, or conditions we use to meet those needs—like asking someone to call daily, working a certain job, or enforcing a rule.
• Flexibility: Focusing on needs (vs. strategies) opens the door to creative solutions.
Example:
Strategy: “I need you to text me goodnight.”
Need: “I need reassurance in our relationship.”
How the Distinction Matters: The need (reassurance) could be met through multiple strategies: a hug before work, a shared calendar, or weekly check-ins.
• Reduces Conflict: Separating needs from strategies avoids treating people as means to an end.
Example:
Strategy: “I need you to stop working weekends.”
Need: "I need quality time to feel connected.”
How the Distinction Matters: This invites collaboration (e.g., adjusting schedules, planning trips) instead of defensiveness.
Exercise: Next time you feel stuck, ask: “Is this a need or a strategy?” Reframe demands into needs to foster understanding.
Key Takeaway: Needs connect us; strategies divide us. Name the need first, then brainstorm strategies together.
Here’s a list of universal human needs as conceptualized in Nonviolent Communication, which transcend culture, personality, or circumstance. These needs are the root motivations behind our feelings, actions, and desires:
• Air, water, food, shelter, rest
• Movement, exercise, safety, health
• Love, empathy, trust
• Belonging, community, inclusion
• Intimacy, friendship, support
• Respect, understanding, acceptance
• Truth, clarity, transparency
• Self-expression, authenticity, integrity
• Freedom, choice, self-determination
• Independence, empowerment, agency
• Fun, creativity, spontaneity
• Joy, laughter, adventure, leisure
• Growth, learning, exploration
• Contribution, service, goals
• Purpose, hope, inspiration
• Stability, order, predictability
• Safety (emotional/physical), calmness
• Harmony, balance, beauty
• Justice, fairness, equality
• Dignity, reciprocity, consideration
• Connection to nature, spirituality, or the divine
• Inner peace, acceptance, transcendence
• Grief, mourning, emotional release
• Security, reassurance, validation
In Nonviolent Communication, identifying universal needs is key to:
1. Empathy: "Are you feeling overwhelmed because you need support?"
2. Conflict Resolution: Moving blame to shared understanding ("We both value respect").
3. Self-Connection: Understanding your own motivations ("I’m irritated because I need order").
By focusing on needs (rather than strategies to meet them), NVC fosters compassion, creativity, and collaboration. Needs are never in conflict—only the strategies for meeting them.
Requests are actionable, collaborative asks that leave room for the other person to say “no” without fear of blame or punishment. They focus on specific actions and invite dialogue.
Demands are coercive, framed as non-negotiable expectations. They often imply criticism or consequences for noncompliance, breeding resentment.
Examples:
Demand: “Stop leaving your dishes in the sink!”
Request: “Would you be willing to rinse your dishes after using them?”
Demand: “Cancel your plans tonight!”
Issue: Likely to provoke resentment or rebellion
Request: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Would you consider staying in tonight?”
Benefit: Empowers mutual problem-solving.
• Preserves Autonomy: Requests honor choice; demands force compliance.
• Clarity Over Blame: Requests name what you want, not what someone “should” do.
• Strengthens Trust: Demands fracture connection; requests build partnership.
• Actionable: Focus on doable behaviors (e.g., “Would you call if you’ll be late?”).
• Present: Ask for what’s possible now, not vague future changes.
• Specific: Avoid abstract terms like “be nicer” and make specific, actionable requests like “Could we take turns choosing weekend activities?”
Key Takeaway: A true request is an invitation, not an ultimatum. Start with “Would you be open to…?” to foster collaboration.
• “What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.”
• “Judgments of others are tragic expressions of our own unmet needs.”
• “Connection before correction. People can’t hear your needs until they feel heard.”
• “Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and deserve punishment.”
• “Never hear what someone thinks about you—only what they’re feeling and needing.”
• “Peace begins when we stop treating our needs as demands.”
• “The world is hungry for a language that heals rather than harms.”
• “Don’t do anything that isn’t play. If we’re not having fun, we’re not doing it right.”
• “Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.”
• “All human beings are trying to meet universal needs. Conflict happens at the level of strategies, not needs.”
• “What I want is to create a world where people’s needs matter—and where we naturally enjoy contributing to one another’s well-being.”